It's been a long time since I've shared any of my work here. The past eight months or so have been pretty wild. My mom has been very ill and as her primary caretaker, all of my free time was devoted to her for a good chunk of the year. She is holding steady now and I finally have a little bit of time to get back into writing and I've decided to start right here. So, today I want to share with you my favorite of all my books. The whole first chapter, in fact.
Oh...and if you get to the end of this post, you'll find a link for a giveaway during the month of October....
All She Never Wanted
A Summer Indie Book Award Nominee by Carolyn LaRoche
One moment changed everything…
Evie Ward had everything she’d ever dreamed of. An
action-packed job where no two shifts were ever the same, the best friend a
girl could ever want, and a fairy tale wedding just days away. Her life was
absolutely perfect. Until one bullet—one horrible choice—left her with a broken
heart and shattered dreams. Fleeing the city she loved and a lifetime of
memories, Evie took a job in the Outer Banks of North Carolina in the hopes
that the ocean air and fresh beaches could somehow restore her soul. Falling in
love again wasn’t part of the plan.
Landon Reed was on top of the world. The money, the women,
the status—he had it all until one bad decision nearly cost him his life. His
father gave him three months to get his act together or be cut off from the
family fortune and business. No house, no job and no money. His will and his
patience are tested further when his father hires a nurse to whip him into
shape. She may be little but she's mean and it looks like Landon has finally
met his match.
With her shattered heart and his broken spirit, the road to
recovery will be long. Can they help each other heal or will their fractured
pasts be too much to overcome?
Chapter One
Evie
“I
swear there’s a black market for gauze and bandages.”
Alone
in the shadowy storage room, talking to myself somehow made it feel less dark
and creepy as I gathered re-stock supplies for the various bays in the
emergency room. We were always running out at the worst possible time so I grabbed
supplies whenever there was a tiny break in the action. I hated the oversized
closet we used for storage. Something about the space made it feel forgotten
and cold. I tried to get in and get out, as quickly as possible, every time.
The
door opened, flooding the room briefly in fluorescent lighting before it closed
again quickly. The shadows returned. Heavy footsteps sounded methodically. Much
too heavy and methodical to be another harried nurse in rubber soled shoes. Gooseflesh
rippled along my arms and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck prickled as I
slipped behind one of the tall shelving units. Stacks of cloth gowns, boxes of bandages
and rolls of gauze all went flying from my arms as I backed into a solid form
and let out a scream.
A
large hand closed over my mouth lightly, stifling the sound. I relaxed as soon
as I recognized the touch and scent of him.
“You
make those scrubs look so hot they should be illegal.” The harsh whisper and
hot breath against my ear sent a shiver hopscotching down my backbone.
“What are you doing? You know you can’t be
back here.” I whispered against the slightly stubbled jaw that nuzzled my
cheek.
“I
work here. Same as you.”
Turning
around, I slid my arms up over a solid mass of polyester covered Kevlar and wrapped them around Matthew’s
neck, pulling him close. “You do not. Besides, only nurses are allowed in the
supply room.”
Matthew
leaned down and pressed his lips lightly against mine. “I’ve been dying to do this since my shift
started. I kept volunteering for calls where I might have to go to the
hospital.” His radio crackled in the dim light of the closet as he pulled me
closer. “Finally got lucky—brought in a vic that had an unfortunate meet up
with the knuckle side of a fist.”
“Yours?”
Matthew
laughed and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger then kissed the spot. He’d
started doing that on our first date. It annoyed me then because it made me
feel like a child. Now though, it was our thing. The way he let me know he
adored me and I leaned into the tiny touch. “No. I didn’t hit him. It was his
wife, actually.”
“His
wife?”
“He
didn’t like the lasagna she made for dinner.”
“You’re
kidding.” I laughed.
“I
never kid about work.” Matthew breathed against my ear, sending those shivers
in to high gear once again. It didn’t matter what he said, the sound of his
voice always sent my heart racing.
A
loud pop sounded outside the closet, followed by three more. Matthew froze, his
head turned toward the door.
“Did
you hear that?” I asked
“Shhh!”
Matthew let go of me and stepped toward the door as several more pops rang out.
“What
was that?” I was pretty sure I already knew though.
“Stay
here! Whatever happens, do not leave
this room!” he ordered, pushing me behind a rack of supplies. “I love you,
Evie.” He leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to my lips.
I
grabbed at his uniform. “Don’t go out there.”
“I
have to. Just stay in here.” He pulled my hands free from his shirt before
yanking the door open and running into the hall. As the room flooded with
light, I caught sight of the determined set of his jaw and the forty-five
caliber Smith and Wesson in his hand. Screams filled the air as several bangs
rang out in quick succession.
Gun shots.
We’d
all trained for this. Drilled time and time again yet I never thought it would
actually happen. Everyone had the same responsibility—protect the patients. Don’t
be a hero. I couldn’t stay in the store room; the way Matthew had commanded. It
was my job to get patients to safety.
Looking
around for something to use to protect myself, I grabbed the fire extinguisher
off the wall by the door. I ran from the storeroom with the extinguisher held
in front of me and straight into the pits of hell.
Blood
splashed the floors and crisscrossed the shiny white tile in the shape of shoe
prints. People scattered in every direction as their screams permeated the air.
I quickly scanned the waiting room trying to make sense of what I saw.
Matthew’s
voice rang out above the chaos. “Stop! Police! Drop your weapon!”
“Who’s
gonna make me?” I could hear the crazy in the voice that responded as the
emergency ward again filled with gunfire. The screams got louder and somewhere
a baby cried but all I could focus on was Matthew. I found him by the main door
already engaged with the assailant. People ran screaming from the standoff.
Matthew stood, feet planted shoulder width apart, arms extended in front of him
as he fired over and over. The gunman jumped around as he fired back
erratically, miraculously missing Matthew with every shot he took. Without
thinking it through, I charged forward, the fire extinguisher poised above my
head. The man had his back to me, gun pointed straight at my fiancé’s chest.
Matthew caught sight of me and yelled.
“Evie!
No! Stay back!”
The
man turned on me then, gun waving wildly and let off a couple of rounds. Either
I had no idea I was about to die or I just didn’t care. I’m not sure. I only knew
that as he turned back to Matthew and unloaded the rest of his clip into the
man that was supposed to someday be the father of my children, something inside
of me snapped.
The
extinguisher crashed down on the gunman’s head, knocking him to the floor. Over
and over, I slammed the heavy metal canister against his body all the while
yelling Matthew’s name. Arms wrapped around me, prying the extinguisher from my
hands as tears poured down my cheeks and my heart pounded against my ribs.
Fighting against the hold on me, I finally escaped and ran to where Matthew’s
crumpled form lay on the bright linoleum. Blood had already begun to seep
through the black fabric of his uniform. His breath came in short labored gasps
as a tiny trail of red ran from the corner of his mouth and down the side of
his chin.
Dropping
to my knees, I felt for his pulse. If it’s strong and steady he’ll be all
right. It’s not. It’s weak and erratic. My own heart kicked into high gear as I
readied him for CPR.
“Don’t
leave me, Matthew!” I pulled at his shirt, tore at the Velcro bindings of the
stupid Kevlar vest that was supposed
to protect him but had done nothing to stop the rifle bullets that tore into
his body.
The
sobs rolled heavy and fast as I counted the holes in his torso. Four. The left
lung, straight into the liver, somewhere in the intestines and the right side
of his neck. The way blood spurted from the wound, I knew the bullet had nicked
an artery. Wrapping my hands over his neck and shoving a finger into that hole,
I begged God not to take the man I love.
“Fight,
Matthew! Fight! You can’t die! I need you!” I lay there, clutching his body and
sobbing. Feet ran by us but I had no idea who they belonged to. Voices melted
into one with the fire alarms and raging monitors and I heard none of it. The
only sound I wanted to hear was Matthew’s heart beating in his chest again.
Someone
tried to lift me but I held on tighter. Soothing words were murmured and gentle
hands worked to pry away my grip on Matthew’s body but I held on as if my life
depended on it.
As
if his life depended on it.
As if I could pass my life’s breath into him and bring
him back to me. I bargained with God. I made promises to the devil but nothing
brought life back to Matthew. An hour could have passed, or barely a minute as
someone finally managed to separate our bodies. The wild roar had died down to
just loud. There were uniforms everywhere. Doctors, paramedics, cops,
firefighters. I grabbed at the first white coat that came within my reach.
“Please! Help him! That man’s supposed to be my
husband next month. You have to save him. I can’t live without him!”
“Evie.” Hands gripped my biceps and gave me a gentle
shake. “Evie!”
“Mary Ellen. Thank God! Matthew’s hurt! We have to
help him.”
Mary Ellen wrapped an arm around my shoulders and
pulled me in close. “It’s okay, Evie. They’ve got him. Let me help you. Are you
hurt?”
I shook my head, the tears soaking my lashes blinded
me. My eyes stung as I dragged a fist across them.
“Oh, Evie. Don’t! Let me help you.” Mary Ellen, my
closest friend and fellow nurse grabbed a towel off a supply cart and pressed
it to my eyes. “You have Mat—blood—all over you. Don’t wipe your eyes again
until we can clean you up.”
I shook my head and pushed the towel away. “I don’t
need to get cleaned up. I need to get back to Matthew.” Turing around, I
started back to where Matthew had been but stopped and spun straight into Mary
Ellen. “He’s gone! Where is he?”
“Come on, Evie. Let me help you. Please.” Mary Ellen looked at me with such sadness that I couldn’t
bear the weight of it and collapsed right there in the middle of the emergency
room.
It was dark when I slowly became aware of my
surroundings again. The familiar click and beep of the monitors that filled the
hospital on a regular day were all that I could hear. There was no more fear.
No more chaos. Just the sound of my breathing and the hushed brush of soft
soled shoes against waxed flooring.
Memories slipped back into the fog of my mind,
blending together like the colors of a kaleidoscope.
Matthew!
I bolted upright, pulling at wires and tubes I hadn’t
realized were attached to me. An alarm sounded, piercing my eardrums with its
high-pitched chirp. The curtains parted and Mary Ellen stepped into the small space.
“What are you doing, Evie?”
“I need to see Matthew.” The need shifted to absolute desperation.
Mary Ellen’s hands closed over mine.
“He’s gone, Evie.” The words were quiet. Her usually
sparkling eyes dulled with sadness.
“What do you mean? I just saw him.”
“Evie! Listen to me.” Mary Ellen never raised her voice. Ever.
“What?”
My best friend looked so sad. I’d never seen her look
like that before. “I’m so sorry, Evie. Matthew’s gone. He didn’t make it. There was nothing the doctors could do. He
lost too much blood and there was just too much damage.”
Gone? Matthew didn’t make it? The words swirled
through my brain with the force of a tornado. Pictures flooded my mind. Matthew
on the floor. Blood. So much blood. I shook my head against the relentless
images.
“No,” I whispered.
Mary Ellen’s eyes were soaked with tears. “I’m so
sorry, honey.”
“He’s not gone. Matthew’s a good cop. He would never
let himself get killed.”
“Oh, Evie. He was a good cop. He saved a lot of people
today.”
“Stop talking about him like that!”
“Like what, sweetie?”
“In the past tense!”
“Evie—”
“But I stopped the bleeding! He wouldn’t leave me. He
loves me.” My pulse pounded in my ears so loudly it drowned everything else
out. I shook my head over and over. “No. He’s not dead. He can’t be dead.”
Mary Ellen gathered me up in a hug, patting my back
and murmuring soft, incomprehensible words. Still I couldn’t believe it.
Refused to believe it. How could she lie to me like that? With shaking fists, I
pounded against her chest. “You’re lying! Why would you do such a thing? You’re
supposed to be my best friend!”
“Oh, honey,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I’m so very
sorry.”
The sobs took over then. Great, massive, body quaking
sobs that shook me to my very core. Mary Ellen just held on, smoothing my hair
and murmuring against my ear. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—be soothed against the
shattering heart inside my chest as the reality of Matthew’s death took over.
The tiny shards cut like glass against my lungs as I gasped for air.
“Evie!” Mary Ellen called from somewhere far away.
“You have to relax! Breathe, Evie!”
Breathe. It was such a simple concept. The lungs
expand with fresh oxygen to feed my cells while they collapsed with the release
of carbon dioxide. I did it a thousand times a day without ever once thinking
about it so why had it become so damned impossible to do now?
“Just let me die.” I think I said it out loud. My
brain told my mouth to speak but I couldn’t tell if it listened.
Just
let me die.
Without Matthew, I was already dead anyway.
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